


Is Hope Gone, Or Just Hiding?

by orphan_account



Category: DTM RPF, Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, friends but more than friends?, past history, the important questions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-04 06:24:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5323868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin gets a call about testing for DTM. He's happier with the call that comes afterwards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Can I hope?

**Author's Note:**

> I've had enough free time lately, to be able to do something like this. I'll probably add 1-2 more chapters. Obviously, I'd like to think some of this happened, but you know.

Hope. Belief. Two words Kevin was tired of hearing from those around him, tired of repeating them to himself. He wavered between thinking he had down enough in 2014 and not enough at all. Between believing that it had all been up to his performance, not politics and the seats available. When in reality it was somewhere in the middle.

He’d gotten some interest from other racing series, but didn’t want to step on McLaren’s toes, at least until he got the email confirming what he already expected. Texts from team members, including Jenson, came afterwards. Even though Kevin had a feeling that something like that was coming, it still stung. It stung worse than getting your heart broke romantically. It stung because Kevin was now floundering to find somewhere else to go, much like his dad had been when Kevin was little.

He was glad that people still liked him well enough at Mercedes to give him a chance to test in DTM. Kevin knew that he had few chances left to prove himself. He has to show something or he won’t be able to go anywhere. He was even more satisfied to get first a text from Antonio and then a call.

“I’m so happy for you bro!” Antonio yells into Kevin’s ear, instead of saying the usual hello. Kevin laughs as he tucks the phone between his ear and shoulder. “You sure you want to come sit and watch me?” Kevin is in his kitchen going through his mail from the past few days, before going to pack.

“I may not be allowed in that part of the paddock, but I’ll still be there to watch some of the other guys. I did text you that I want to see you. Not just in the car. Since I’ve missed you so much.” Kevin can hear the smile in Antonio’s voice.

“I know you said years ago that you wanted to race me again and beat me.” Kevin says back and he pulls open his power bill. He was hoping it’d continue to stay low, seeing as he wasn’t really staying here that often, he was trying not to. He was at his mom’s or traveling with his dad when possible.

“I got you in 2012, but you won 3.5 in 2013 and got that coveted seat in F1. But I’ve gotten better in DTM. Oh and Robin Frijns says hi. He’s my teammate in formula e for the next season.” Antonio is talking faster and faster now. “And if you get the seat in DTM then we can hang out more and I would love it if you came to Portugal again. My dog Glock has finally stopped growing. My mom also misses you, she was happy to hear the news too.”

“Ok ok ok, slow down there buddy.” Kevin can’t help but laugh again. Kevin has missed this. He’s missed how excited Antonio can get about things. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself. I’m getting there Monday morning, to Jerez. Are you driving, or are you going to fly this time?” Kevin doesn’t know to expect from Antonio anymore, it’d been too long since they have said more than a few words in a text message, or passing a few minutes together in the F1 paddock the past season. That wasn’t exactly the best place to really talk like they did years ago. Kevin did remember that Estoril is close to Jerez.

“I’m flying, so I should be there in the afternoon. I’ve missed you so much man. You have no idea.” Kevin can tell that Antonio isn’t lying when he says this. “I’ll text you once I land, ok Kevin?”

“Of course. I’ll be waiting. And Antonio?” “Yeah?” “I’ve missed you so much too, it’s nice to hear that from someone like you.” Kevin sighs as he says goodbye. Antonio and him had gotten close those two years, closer than he had ever expected. Jenson and him had become close, but it no one came close to Antonio. 2014 and now 2015 had really affected a lot of things in Kevin’s life. Not just professionally.

Tossing the mail into the usual piles, to be paid, recycling and trash, Kevin moves out of the kitchen to go to his room to try and start packing. He still has tomorrow, but he knows his mom wants to see him more time this weekend before he leaves. His dad and stepmom are out of town, so he doesn’t have to swing by there.

Flopping on his bed, knowing that he should eat something soon, Antonio’s words keep going over and over in his head. “I’ve missed you so much.” Kevin wonders if Antonio has calmed down any; or if he is still prone to outbursts, both good and bad. Kevin knows that the last few years have been up and down for both of them. At the end of this year though, just like last year, Antonio’s the one in the better position, switched from what it was at the end of 2013.


	2. Drifting Along

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Superstitions, dinner and some reassurances.

Kevin’s phone buzzes. He’s been at the hotel for just an hour; there had been a traffic accident that couldn’t be cleared from the road. For once, the European roads had seemed like the roads overseas, jammed and annoying.

“I’ve just gotten to my hotel. Meet at yours in 30?” Of course Antonio wouldn’t be staying at the same on Kevin thinks as he replies. “You got it.” He smiles as he sets the phone next to him on the bed, he was both glad and anxious that Robert Wickens had told him that he had talked to Antonio about the testing too. There was no reason to be nervous about hanging out with Antonio, was there? The only things Kevin had to be nervous about were the things having to do his professional career. They were just meeting as friends, right?

Turning the TV off, Kevin goes to brush his teeth and change. Even though he keeps thinking about them “just being friends,” he can’t help but think about how he doesn’t want to show up too sloppy. He does an armpit check and thinks that he probably should’ve showered again. Hoping a fresh application of deodorant and a light spray of his travel cologne can cover it up, Kevin keeps getting ready.

Checking the time once again, Kevin walks down to the elevator and takes it to the lobby. After the quick ride, he walks into the lobby and sees Antonio before Antonio sees him. The sight is enough to make Kevin pause and let out a whoosh of air he didn’t realize he was holding in. Antonio is slightly tanner than usual, even though he’s always been darker than Kevin. Catching his breath again, he moves forward again.

Plopping down onto the couch, Kevin softly says “Hey.” He’s greeted with Antonio’s genuine smile, not the one the press usually gets. “It’s nice to see you Kevin. Let me get a look at you. Don’t tell me you got more tattoos.” Antonio gets up, pulling Kevin up, before stepping into him.

Kevin didn’t expect Antonio to go straight for a hug. Even though they were just about the same height Kevin puts his arms under and his face most of the way into Antonio’s neck. Taking a moment to breathe in the smell that the other man still has after all this time before pulling away. “It’s nice to see you too.” Kevin says before smiling. “No, no more tattoos right now. My mom’s still begrudgingly accepting of the ones on my forearm, even though they’re about her.”

“I don’t want you to turn into Lewis and go overboard.” Antonio laughs at himself. “Let’s get going, I don’t want to keep you out too late with the next few days you have.” They start walking towards the doors.

“You probably don’t want to eat much? I’m going to take you somewhere my older brother and I used to go to.” Antonio asks. “I am a little nervous, more nervous than I’ve felt before. Did you feel this nervous when you did this?” Kevin asks.

They get into the cab before Antonio answers. “I was nervous. At that time though, I was also very angry, with everyone around me, myself too. Then I gave myself time to be upset, I broke a phone and then realized I needed to use that energy in that testing. Trust me dude, what you’re feeling, I’ve felt something similar if not the same thing.”

Kevin takes a moment to think about this, because it sounds like Antonio’s matured some. He’s heard from other people that Antonio still gets angry, but it sounds like he’s able to handle it in better ways. “I appreciate that. It’s tough feeling like you’ve been pushed aside. I’m tired of being angry at the situation, I’m tired of sitting too.”

They’re both quiet as they get out of the cab. “Hey, this way.” Antonio steers them down a side street. “It’s down here. And you know what?” Antonio looks Kevin in the face. “I’m sorry for being distant this past year. I didn’t know what to say to you. We were close and then we drifted apart. Even with all that’s happened, I’ll always be your friend.” Before Kevin can answer, Antonio stops under a small, neon lighted sign. With the other lights in the small side street, Kevin wouldn’t have known to stop at this one without Antonio there. “They won’t bother us in here, since like I said, my older brother and I used to come in here.”

Kevin is surprised by how personal things felt in the tiny restaurant. Yet, he felt like it would be an invasive personal. Like that cool aunt or uncle that didn’t bother you at family functions, but would listen if you had a problem. For the first time in a long time, it was nice to talk about other things than his recent professional life. Antonio was trying hard to keep things light and Kevin appreciated it more than he could say.

“Can I show you something before we head back to the hotel?” Antonio asks as they pull their jackets on. “Sure.” Kevin hopes it isn’t a joke. When they were younger, Antonio would always play silly jokes on him and others. Going back the way they had come earlier, “It’s just a fountain, but I ended up throwing a coin in it two years ago, almost to the day. I want you to do the same.” Antonio says quietly. “It’s down here.”

Going down two streets, a quick left and then a long right, Kevin is surprised. It’s beautiful. “I didn’t expect you to be this superstitious. Some, but not this much.” Kevin says to Antonio. Antonio laughs, “I didn’t believe it myself. You can thank my brother next time you see him. If you toss a coin in, it’ll be sooner than later.”

Pulling out his wallet, Kevin starts looking; he knows he had left something in there from a few days ago. “It has to be one of my own coins right, or it won’t work?” Kevin jokes. Antonio rolls his eyes then laughs. “Yeah, dumbass. I asked the same thing when I was here with my brother.”

Finally finding a coin, Kevin puts his wallet away. “Do I need to wish or anything?” He’s enjoying himself, messing with Antonio. Messing around like they used to. “That’s up to you, I didn’t say anything out loud when I did it, but said something to myself.” Antonio’s face is suddenly serious as he says this. “It worked for me, as weird as it sounds, I almost feel like it was promise to myself. That I had the skills to do well in the test but needed one little extra push.”

Shrugging, Kevin looks down at his upturned hand one more time. “What the hell?” he thinks to himself. “I may as well.” He turns to Antonio as he says this. Turning back to the fountain, he tosses it in. “Please let me do well the next three days, that I use my skills, to prove that I am worthy.” Kevin wishes in his head.

“All done?” Antonio asks as he puts his hands in his jacket pockets. Kevin takes a last long look at the fountain. “Mmm, I think so. Can we walk back to the hotel? Or do you think it’d be too long?” Kevin is tired, now that he’s had some light hearted fun, but wants to walk some, to make sure he does fall asleep and stay asleep.

“Walking’s fine. I’ll cut us through a part of the city, to drop us at your hotel first. Mine’s one street over from yours.” Antonio gives a half smile before speaking again. “I’ve really enjoyed tonight.” He puts his left arm around Kevin’s shoulder and starts to lead him.

Kevin wants so badly to turn into Antonio, wrap his arm around the seemingly smaller Portuguese man and never let go. Instead he sighs, “I’ve enjoyed tonight too. It’s nice to just be. I remember how much we enjoyed ourselves in 3.5, but it seems so long ago.” For a few minutes both of them are quiet.

“Hey, remember that night that Rossi, Stevens and us got drunk and played truth or dare?” Kevin still thinks about that night. It was towards the end of the 2013 season, Kevin didn’t know what to expect at the beginning of that night. Rossi had been in the area and wanted to go out with them, as a celebration for the end of the season. What he got was waking up in Antonio and Alex’s room. Alex and Will were in the other bed, both wrapped in different blankets. Kevin woke up wrapped up around Antonio. 

“Yeah, I still think about it. We never did anything past that cuddling and the quiet kiss in the morning did we?” Antonio answers as he tightens his arm around Kevin’s shoulder. “Not that I remember.” Kevin says back.

By this time they’re almost at the outside doors to Kevin’s hotel. “Hey, let’s sit for a minute.” Antonio drops his arm from Kevin’s shoulder as they walk towards a bench. Sitting down, they bump knees. “I don’t want to do anything about that until Thursday. I don’t want your focus to only be on figuring any feelings out, or exploring anything.” Antonio leans back against the bench after speaking.

“I almost didn’t want to say anything, but it’s something I’ve thought about for a long time.” Kevin leans back, this time bumping their shoulders together. “Then we drifted apart, going to different series and,” before Kevin can finish Antonio shushes him. “Kevin it’s ok. I rationalized the same way. I didn’t want to do anything about it because I respected you and the situation for what it was. I didn’t know if it was going to be something more. I didn’t want to push you. I didn’t understand it myself.”

They sit for a few more minutes, both quiet again. “I would come upstairs with you, but like I said, I don’t want to be a distraction. Not a big distraction until Thursday night. When you’re done with testing.” Antonio scoots off the bench before grabbing Kevin’s hands to pull him up. Before Kevin can make it awkward, Antonio wraps him in a hug. Kevin puts his face fully into Antonio’s neck this time and smiles. “Thank you so much for tonight. I didn’t know how much I needed all of this.” Kevin’s words are a little muffled, but he knows Antonio’s heard them due to feeling Antonio’s lips against his temple.

They stand there like that for another minute before Antonio pulls back and moves his hands to Kevin’s shoulders. “Go get some sleep. Please text me tomorrow morning. Well, even if you want to text me tonight before you get to sleep.” Antonio pats Kevin’s right cheek before quickly hugging him again, waving and walking away.

Kevin feels almost slighted by that lack of goodbye, but then realizes Antonio is being Antonio. He doesn’t like goodbyes, much like Kevin himself. Turning to walking into the hotel, Kevin knows there’s one thing he can do tonight to torture Antonio. He can send a picture of his face and chest tattoo with one word attached. “Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably do one or two more chapters, to wrap this up.


	3. To Send or Not to Send

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day of testing and text messages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm house sitting for most of next week, so I'll be posting one (maybe two?) more chapters to wrap this up. I know I've written this quickly, honestly, it's been easy to do so.

Walking into his hotel room, Kevin was still buzzing a little from dinner and talking to Antonio about how he felt. Things had gone much better than he had expected. He had thought about that night many a time in the last few years, but the anxiety of bringing it up and the possible rejection always prevented him from talking about it.

Setting his wallet and room key in the bathroom, Kevin starts about getting undressed, but tosses his phone on the bed before doing so. He does want to send Antonio a picture, along with a goodnight message. He had gotten his chest tattoo between both of them moving to different series at the end of 2013 and the beginning of Kevin’s season at 2014.

As he pulls his clothes off, he’s sure Antonio’s heard about it. After all, he’s had other drivers ask him about it. He’s also had others try to sneak looks by walking in on his time in his cool down room at each race. Others have also tried to invite him to beaches, pools, hot tubs, anything to try and see it. The top of it has snuck out in pictures, but very few had seen the full thing. Jenson had, but that was only because of them having been teammates. Kevin is like Antonio in that sense, he doesn’t like letting people see all of him, unless he’s comfortable with them.

Which is why he was so glad that Antonio was receptive to what he said. Messily folding his clothes into one of the chairs near the window, Kevin then turns to get the bed comfortable. He hopes the light on the bedside table will be enough for what he wants to do.

Grabbing his phone from the end of the bed, Kevin slides under the blanket. It’s comfortable, but not as comfortable as having someone with you. Taking a picture sitting up against the pillow, Kevin then moves, because lying down with the blanket covering half of his tattoo would be a lot better. Wouldn’t Antonio want something somewhat sexy, somewhat flirty, without going overboard?

Kevin positions the phone and takes a few pictures, just to make sure there was a suitable one to send. He knew that Antonio probably wouldn’t mind any of the pictures, but Kevin didn’t want to send anything bad. Picking one of the four he had taken, he opens up the conversation with Antonio. “Goodnight, I hope you get some sleep too.” Attaching the photo and pressing send, he then reaches for the remote. The day was starting to finally hit him, but he wanted to see if Antonio would say anything back besides goodnight.

Flipping through the channels trying to find something, Kevin starts to get nervous. It had already been a few minutes and he knew Antonio was staying in a room that included one of his team members. Even though Antonio wasn’t testing, he went in on the cost with one of the technical members of the team he belonged to. Maybe it was one of those things where Antonio didn’t want to open the message in front of someone else? Maybe Antonio was sending a picture back? Maybe Kevin needed to stop over thinking things and get out of his own head.

There’s nothing on the TV that Kevin really wants to watch. Movies he’s seen many times before seem to be the only thing on. After 10 minutes of waiting and barely watching, Kevin is getting more tired, tired enough to try and sleep. Turning the TV off, before he can get to the lamp, his phone buzzes. “Stop teasing me bro. I’ll be sending you a picture in the morning to get you back.” There’s a heart emoji at the end of Antonio’s words. Kevin can’t help but smile as he sets the alarm on his phone, before finally turning the lamp off and getting comfortable for the night. The next three days of testing and possible meetings were going to be long and most likely hard, but he knew that Antonio was going to be his prize at the end of the week, if not sooner.

\--------------------

Kevin knew each series had their own set up; people, the cars, where to go and when. He was getting dressed after a quick shower when he heard his phone. He had turned the sound back on the night before so that he wouldn’t miss the alarm.

The preview of the message said it was Antonio, with two emojis: the peace sign and the three droplets of water. Swiping to go to the message, Kevin almost drops his phone when the photo comes up. Antonio is standing in his room’s bathroom, clearly fresh out of the shower, with a towel low around his hips, hair messy, one of his hands actually doing the peace sign. Kevin had seen the ALS challenge video Antonio had posted on instagram last year, but this, this picture was almost pornographic.

Before Kevin can come up with a response, a second message from Antonio comes. “Here’s some motivation for you today. See you later.” Kevin forces himself to not press the face time button. He wants to see more, has to see more, but knows that as soon as the day is over, he can see more.

Waving and saying bye to the team members that were helping him test, Kevin is exhausted but elated; it had been a good day. He had only done 15 laps, but in those 15 laps he felt like he learned a lot and with the promise of more laps tomorrow, he was satisfied with the day. Learning a different racing series set up was tough, but so far he was enjoying it. One of the techs had even helped his dad back in 1995, in the older DTM racing series.

Settling into the cab, another message from Antonio had come in. Kevin had gotten a few throughout the day, but hadn’t had a chance to respond other than one or two messages. “I’m all clear to stay in your room tonight. Be over at 10.” Kevin was eating with some of the other drivers that were there for Mercedes, hopefully this gave him enough time to calm down between dinner and Antonio showing up. He knew Antonio had said things about not being a distraction, but things had worked perfectly to where people from Antonio’s team were going to be up late working and had asked Antonio to sleep in someone else’s room that night. Things were going fast, but working out at the same time.

\--------------------

Kevin got back to his room with 30 minutes to spare, giving him enough time to pull on an old shirt and sweatpants and try to calm his nerves. He knew things would probably not get hot and heavy tonight, but it was still nice to know that he wasn’t going to wake up alone.

He’s lying on the bed, waiting nervously when he gets a text from Antonio. “Downstairs, coming up to your 821.” Smiling, Kevin wants to run to the elevator, he almost had forgotten to text Antonio his room number. There’s a soft knock at the door seemingly only moments after the text message.

“You look comfortable.” Antonio says as Kevin pulls him into the room, Antonio half throws, half drops his small bag into the bathroom. “I’m comfortable now that you’re here.” Kevin can barely get the words out. Pulling Antonio closer for a hug, Kevin sighs. It was really nice to have the other man here.

Antonio pulls back after a few moments, “I’m sure you’re tired, come on. I’m tired and I barely did anything today.” Grabbing Kevin’s right hand with his left, Kevin is led to the side of the bed. Pulling back the heavier blanket, Antonio softly says “I saw your laps today, they were really quick. You did so good.” Kevin pulls his side’s pillow down before sliding into the bed.

“Let me get the light, your alarm’s set?” Kevin nods before answering. “Get in the bed Antonio.” Laughing as he turns the light out. “I love it when you tell me what to do. At least this time it’s not dealing with a race track.” Sliding into the bed in front of Kevin, it’s Antonio’s turn to sigh. “I’m glad you’re here Kevin.”

Wrapping himself around Antonio and nuzzling his face into the tan neck and caramel hair, Kevin’s glad he’s here too. He’s hoping moments like these can continue.


	4. There is Hope Still Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antonio teases Kevin, until the morning alarms goes off.

Kevin didn’t want to open his eyes. He was perfectly warm, the kind of warm one got when the blankets were perfect, the temperature of the room was perfect and there was another body in the bed. He had slept really well. He’d only woken up once, one of Antonio’s hands was on the small of his back and Antonio’s face was in his chest.

Shifting a little against Antonio, he sighs. He missed sharing a bed with anyone. To him, things like this were a different type of intimate than things of a sexual nature. Trust was still involved, even if it was a different type of trust and it was nice waking up next to someone. Before Kevin can fall back asleep, his alarm goes off. “Mmmmm, already?” Antonio starts to turn to face Kevin, as Kevin reaches with an arm to get the blaring of the alarm off. “This was really nice,” Kevin says as he rubs his face with one of his hands. Antonio’s face is in his neck and one of his hands are on Kevin’s hip.

Antonio sits up on an elbow; the blanket falls just enough to show one of his nipples. Kevin is below him enough to be looking up a little, instead of them doing the usual eye to eye contact that they usually have when standing. Kevin’s nervous, but feels safe, because he knows Antonio’s not going to do anything to make him feel uncomfortable.

Before Kevin can pull Antonio down, the man above him does again what Kevin’s been thinking about for years. The kiss is slow and soft. During the kiss it takes Kevin a moment to register that Antonio’s hand is still on him and moving. It had started on his hip, moved to his cheek, then his neck and was now rubbing his chest where his tattoo is. Just as Kevin tries to deepen the kiss, Antonio pulls back, leaving his hand on Kevin’s chest.

“You want more don’t you?” Antonio has a smug look on his face as he says this. Instead of speaking, Kevin reaches up to pull Antonio back down to continue the kiss. Trying not to be forceful, he pulls Antonio’s bottom lip into his mouth. He had thought about Antonio’s bottom lip since that last kiss, he hadn’t had a chance then, but he taking advantage of what he could do now. Before he realizes it, Antonio’s tongue is in his mouth, instead of that bottom lip.

They’ve shifted a bit, Antonio is now fully on top of him, Kevin’s hands on are Antonio’s defined hips. Kevin moans softly into the kiss; it was everything he liked and wanted out of something like this. Before they can keep going onto other things, Kevin’s phone goes off. This time it’s a call, not a text. Pulling away from Kevin’s mouth, Antonio groans, grabs the phone and hands it to Kevin. He’s semi hard and knows Kevin feels that. Seeing that it’s one of the Mercedes team members, he answers the phone. Right as he says “Hello,” Antonio grinds down a little into him, trying to do something about what he’s feeling.

He tries to control his voice as best as he can as he tries to rush through the conversation without being rude. “Yeah, I’ll be down in 45. No no no, I’m fine, I slept good. I’m still waking up. Yes, thanks, you too.” Wanting to throw the phone and get back to who was on top of him, Kevin stretches to put the phone on the bed side table. “Want me to continue, or?” Antonio says as puts his hands on either side Kevin’s head and leans his head down. Their noses bump together, “Yeah,” Kevin says as starts kissing Antonio again.

Kevin does his best to roll and shuffle Antonio off of him; he wants to be on top. He had forgotten how deliciously challenging it was doing that while trying to keep his and the other person’s mouth together while moving around. Even though Antonio’s barely a year older, and they’re very similar in their height, Antonio’s always been thinner and more compact; Kevin’s been a little thicker, their bodies set up slightly differently despite the similarities.

Breaking away from Antonio’s mouth, he kisses down the other man’s jaw onto the thick muscled neck. One of Antonio’s hands is in his hair, right as he’s trying to move further down to taste more of Antonio’s skin, Antonio’s hand gets tighter in his hair.

“No, let’s finish this tonight. If we keep going, you won’t be on time.” Antonio’s voice is thick, Kevin knows the other man wants to continue as much as he does, but Kevin knows the other man is right. He needs to shower and be presentable. Putting one more kiss under Antonio’s ear, Kevin slowly gets up and scoots to sits on the edge of the bed. “Are you going to shower with me?” Kevin says this with his back to Antonio, he’s almost pushing it, he knows, but it’s worth a shot.

“As long as you let me wash your hair, since I messed it up.” Antonio scoots out on the same side of the bed as Kevin. “C’mon,” Antonio gets up and then pulls Kevin up. “Get your boxers off and lets get you going.”

Antonio is already in the bathroom before Kevin can catch up. He can’t help but watch as Antonio puts his bag outside the bathroom door and then hooks his thumbs around the top of the small boxers and keeps them there for a moment. It looks like Antonio’s thinking about something. Kevin’s always liked watching people he’s attracted to get both undressed and dressed; even if they weren’t getting ready for him.

Antonio finally sees Kevin watching him and turns to fully face him. “You like watching this?” Antonio laughs at the look on Kevin’s face as the words register. “Stop watching and get involved blondie.” Antonio quickly pulls off his boxers and throws them at Kevin. “Get those things you’re wearing off as I start the hot water. Time’s wasting.”

Kevin starts moving again with a big smile on his face. The shower seemed almost too short; he had never done this, with any of the men or women he had spent time with. They even brushed their teeth together. Pulling his shoes on, Kevin realized that he wasn’t angry or upset at the past year. Sure it still stung, but he was taking good steps to get back to where he wanted to be.

“Ready to go?” This time it was Antonio watching him, the bag he had brought over his shoulders. Kevin stands up and grabs his own bag that he was taking back and forth to the track each day. “Yeah, can I have another kiss before we leave?” Kevin doesn’t want to take without permission, until he gets more comfortable with their situation. “Yes, please.” Antonio answers before stepping into Kevin for the kiss. It was another soft and sweet one. “C’mon, lets go.” Antonio squeezes him before pulling back completely. “You’re going to have another great day.” Kevin smiles at Antonio’s words.

It was going to be a great day after this morning. Plus there was tonight to look forward to as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be doing one more chapter after this, probably something short to finish it off. Thought I'd be able to wrap it up with chapter, but I didn't feel like putting any more in this chapter. It didn't feel right to keep writing. Basically what I'm trying to say is that it felt like a good bridge until the last chapter.


	5. Everything is Going to Be Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiccups abound. Antonio also tells Kevin about things from the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos so far! I'm glad you all have liked it. This is that last chapter in this series. I feel like I got a bit long winded in parts describing stuff, but alas, I wanted to get my points across. I may do these guys again the future, but we'll see.

The second day of testing went much like the first; too fast. The bad thing was that Kevin wasn’t going to be able to see Antonio at all after that day was done. It’s almost as if he was being punished for having such a great night and morning. He had been not exactly horny for most of the day, but wanting; wanting closeness again with Antonio.

Before he learned Antonio wasn’t able to come, he’d asked the hotel desk attendant before going to his own dinner where a little shop was where he could get toiletries. He didn’t want to ask for condoms out right, but he think the attendant knew what he was asking for. He almost felt like things were going somewhat quickly, but they had known each other for a long time. But if it was only the physical relationship that felt like it was going quickly and they were both consenting, then things weren’t a problem were they? Then again, there were people out there who barely knew each other who slept together.

He had gotten a text from Antonio that he and some of the guys from BMW were going to be out late, and that it was something Antonio couldn’t get out of in time to come stay again with Kevin. He knew he shouldn’t be jealous of the fact that Antonio had something to do that night. Kevin did need some time to think about things. He could save the condoms for tomorrow, if they even were going to use them.

\--------------------

“Sorry about last night. You’re out at 2? Let’s take a nap and then celebrate how good you did in testing.” Antonio’s text had come in while Kevin was in the shower. Antonio was good at finding things out when he wanted. The night before Kevin had cleaned up some of his stuff, so when he packed for leaving in the morning, he could do it quickly. He had a feeling that he would rushing out the door.

“Meet me at the hotel, I’ll be waiting.” Kevin sends the message as he’s walking out to front door of the hotel. Before he can lock his phone, he gets a thumbs up emoji from Antonio. That’s sorted then Kevin thinks to himself as he gets into a cab.

\--------------------

“I wanted to take a nap with you.” Antonio comes into the room. Kevin had rinsed off and brushed his teeth, he’d had just enough time to get that done without feeling too rushed. “I guess that’s one that hasn’t changed about you in the last few years.” Kevin says to Antonio’s back. Antonio was moving a little quick; he had gone to the edge of the bed and was taking off his shoes. When he looked up, Kevin saw how tired he looked.

“Up late?” Kevin asks as he walks over to take the shoes and move them. “Want me to take your pants or no? You look tired.” Antonio shakes his head at the question and makes a grabby hands motion towards Kevin. “Just come here and lets lay down for two or three hours.”

Kevin climbs on the bed, he had a decent shirt on, but hadn’t put jeans on, he’d put a pair of sweatpants on. Antonio was turned toward him; Kevin moved his legs so Antonio could put one of his in there. “You smell nice,” Antonio mumbles into Kevin. “Like soap.” Kevin softly chuckles as he puts his hand into the bottom of Antonio’s shirt. There was nowhere else he’d rather be at this moment.

\--------------------

“Hey Kevin. Wake up.” Kevin hears Antonio’s words from far away at first. Antonio is talking softly. “You were tired too.” Kevin now feels Antonio’s hand in his hair. He hadn’t put a lot of gel in it after the shower earlier; he’d have to fix it if they went out for dinner.

“We slept for longer than I wanted us to. It’s 7 now. So I ordered some food. As long as you eat similar to how you did before, you’ll like what I ordered.” Kevin’s head is on Antonio’s chest this time; he’s sleepy warm and glad to not be alone.

“I’m sure what you ordered was fine. Is there anything on the menu tonight besides food?” Kevin moves a little to pick his head up to look at Antonio’s face, only after running his hand inside his shirt, right above the top of Antonio’s jeans. “You want me on the menu?” Antonio’s face goes a tiny bit pink at this. It’s almost invisible with how tan he is.

“Well, I was blocked from tasting more of you before. And then yesterday happened.” Kevin had kept his hand inside Antonio’s shirt while saying this, moving his fingers in circles. “Kevin I need to tell you something.” Before Kevin can ask, before Antonio can continue, there’s a knock at the door. Antonio gently moves from out underneath Kevin, grabs some cash before going to the door.

Antonio quietly gets the food, closes the door and brings it to the bed. Kevin had moved and was sitting up. He had been more tired than he realized. “This smells and looks wonderful, thanks.” Kevin hopes this will get Antonio talking.

“After I kissed you and after I missed out on that seat at Toro Rosso, I lashed out a lot. You probably only heard about some of it. We talked about that the first night here, about how scary being in that sort of situation is.” Antonio’s been pulling the lids off the food, handing utensils and napkins to Kevin. Sighing, Antonio keeps going.

“I slept with anyone and everyone that was willing. It got to the point where I was scaring myself. It took me until August of last year to get it out of my system. I also felt like I wasn’t doing well enough in DTM.” Antonio takes a few bites of his food, and a drink of water. Kevin’s been quietly eating, sensing that Antonio would continue when he was comfortable.

“Timo helped some, his wife too. They made me stay with them a lot. Pascal, Farfus and Tomczyk also pulled me aside after a race one weekend. They told me that I was doing fine with my racing. I was adjusting just fine. The results would start to get a lot better in the second year, or even the third year. It all depended on how hard I wanted to work and how willing I was to learn. The car is part of it, but you still have to be willing to drive well.” Antonio eats some more, has another two drinks of water.

“Sounds like people had been saying to me in 2014.” Kevin quietly says. He’s finished one of the things Antonio had ordered for him. He doesn’t want to eat more until Antonio’s done talking. “I hope you get a chance to do more in any series.” Antonio says before continuing.

“I got tired of feeling like I was only fucking. There was nothing tender about it; there was no connection past the physical. I was putting all the hurt into screwing, into being as crude as possible. I’m surprised no one went to the press. I want to take things slow with you. It doesn’t have to be tonight, I’d almost rather it be tomorrow morning, to sort of continue what we had started that morning before we were interrupted by your phone.” Towards the end of talking, it looks like a weight has lifted off of Antonio’s shoulders. He’s sitting up a little straighter. Kevin’s happy to see that.

“This whole week I’ve seen a mature side of you, it’s really nice.” Kevin pulls the lid of the second container of food Antonio had put in front of him. “You want to share this with me?” Antonio scoots from the end of the bed, getting close enough to where their sides were touching.

“I want to share more than just food with you Kevin. I’m really hoping you get a seat next year.” Antonio leans in before Kevin can reply and kisses him. Antonio then does something Kevin doesn’t expect; he licks sauce that had dribbled on Kevin’s chin.

“Let’s finish, clean up and find something to watch. You’ve got condoms for tomorrow right? I’m not going to go back out and I don’t want you to leave my sight until we check out tomorrow afternoon. I made sure to ask if we could do that.” Antonio is leaning into Kevin now, digging into the container of food in Kevin’s hands.

“I do. I was ready for this to happen last night, I still felt a little weird asking the desk attendant.” Kevin laughs. “I’m sure your face flushed, it’s cute when that happens.” They both laugh at Antonio’s words before kissing again.

Kevin was glad he took a chance of telling Antonio how he felt. Now if only that wishing well coin would work; he’d driven well, now it was out of his hands.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Why Not Keep Going?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6062746) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)




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